Sometime ago, a good friend of mine left a well paid, well respected job because of workplace bullying. It took sometime for her to regain her self-confidence but I am happy to report that she is now fully recovered.
Sadly, her experience of bullying at work is far from unique. I met with a former colleague recently and we recalled encounters with a particularly unpleasant individual. Our experiences were mirror images, in that the same type of repeated passive aggressive manipulation had managed to gnaw away at us. We agreed that the experience was a contributing factor to our leaving to work elsewhere.
It’s as well be be aware that bullies adopt many different guises. Don’t expect the stereo typical thug who repeatedly steals your lunch money. The colleague who talks platitudes whilst stabbing you in the metaphorical back in the one to watch.
Surprisingly perhaps, recent research supports the view that women who are the subject of workplace of bullying/discrimination are not the vulnerable, weak prey you might think. They are more likely to be high achievers; competent go getters.
One reason is that although legislative improvements since the 1970s have gone some way to even out the playing field; gender stereotyping is still alive and well. The women who have broken through the ranks and achieved success are often treated differently from those that have not - the assumption being that they must be aggressive, ball breakers.
With this in mind I would like to draw your attention to a particular strain of bully the insidious and aptly named: ‘energy vampire’. A relatively new phenomenon, deserving of an entry in Wikipedia. The aim of the energy vampire is to leave it’s victim drained and vulnerable.
You may have met one already? At first they seem merely annoying and you laugh it off - in fact you probably feel sorry for them and humour them a little; but beware, the daily drain can wear you down. The effectiveness of the vampire lies in repeated attack. It may take the form of nit-picking, snide comments veiled in a joke or out and out rudeness. As with all bullies it’s about control and in this case, control over you.
Of the cases that see the light of day, the majority of workplace bullies are people who have managerial positions, both men and women. However the greater number of those bullied are women. I fear that as the recession bites harder bullying will increase.
So how to combat it? First step, be a slayer not a victim. Bullies, particularly the energy vampires are weak, frightened individuals who like to bully others because it makes them feel better about themselves. For whatever reason they are incapable of relying upon their own attributes to get ahead and need to bring others down to their pitiful level.
Once you see them for what they are you are free of their grasp. The next step is to expose them in true slayer style - a vampire will wither in the sunlight and a bully cannot operate effectively when everyone knows what they are doing - they rely upon a veneer of respectability.
The bully never wins in the end, because like any addict they are trapped in their cycle of destructive behaviour - they have to feed their habit to keep themselves satisfied.
The rest of us we have a choice - we can step into the sunshine. M-J
