As modern working women we tread a fine line between wearing what we would like to wear and what society deems ‘appropriate’. Yet it begs the question, why shouldn’t we wear what we want?
The recent publicity attracted by Canadian PC, Michael Sanguinetti following his comment that women should stop dressing ‘like sluts’ to avoid being victimised has sparked global protest – 5,000 women have already held protests in Toronto and Boston and a reported further 5,000 will march in London in June.
Legislation goes some way to protect our right to choose; guidance offered by the Equal Opportunities Commission suggests that the Human Rights Act could arguably strengthen a sex discrimination claim about dress codes and the European Convention on Human Rights covers freedom from discrimination; although it is not a freestanding right, it can be cited in conjunction with other rights, such as the freedom of expression; as applicable to dress codes.
However, reliance upon legislation is a long shot and most of us experience the daily pressure to conform – and with the exception of those that must wear a prescribed uniform, it is a minefield of compromise. If we fly in the face of convention and dress exuberantly we risk criticism and as the majority of us are not bound by a prescriptive dress code – we must rely upon our best judgment. Problems arise when that judgment is not shared by those with whom we work.
Whilst we can never have any control over the peculiar perceptions of some, we can make informed decisions about what is best for us and our chosen career, because how we look is important and inescapably affects how we are perceived. Like it or lump it, a woman’s appearance is often associated with how well she does her job; for instance: ask for a description of a male colleague and you will be told about their style of working, possibly followed by a brief physical portrayal; ask for a description of a female colleague and their physical attributes are cited first, more often than not.
Perhaps it’s different for the generations; my 24-year-old daughter: extrovert and unashamedly feminine she is of the view that she is entitled to wear whatever she fancies and is happy to express her personality through dress; whereas my years in the legal profession have left me with a more conservative approach.
You are left to decide for yourselves what best suits you and your working life. We will always have our detractors, but happily we will also have the last laugh; some individuals still think that women dress for men... they haven’t realised that we actually dress for one another!
And, finally, the argument that women invite sexual discrimination or even attack because of their choice of clothing is ridiculous. Imagine for a moment a female sexual predator using the same defence; ‘his trousers were very tight and he was just asking for it’... excuse me whilst I laugh up my designer sleeve.
Mary-Jane is a Professional mentor, coach and trainer. You can contact her mary.jane.kingsland@gmail.com
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
Monday, April 11, 2011
Do some Leaders have Special Powers ?
Leaders can inspire great enthusiasm in others and create great affection for themselves and their passions – but how do they do it? Do they have Special Powers??
Having thought about this a lot over the years I have identified some remarkable attributes which natural leaders seem to share: I think they are very special indeed.
Xray Specs
Imagine that you have just found the best product in the world and you want to build a team to help you get your product to market and maximise that market for everyones enjoyment. How do you know which people to choose?
Well, a decent pair of xray specs would come in handy wouldn’t it. You could look into the souls of others and see their motivations and talents; but, inspirational leaders don’t need xray specs they can see you, warts and all and know that you have the potential to be part of something great – and this is their special power; a great leader sees the energy and qualities that you bring and a true leader knows how to nurture your talent.
Hypnotic Gaze
Have you noticed how that time spent with some people just leaves you smiling. You can’t help yourself; you have had an enjoyable experience and you want to do it again soon, but why is that? It’s because special people exude warmth, they are passionate about life – passionate about you; they are not afraid to show it – and the energy they radiate is catching. The Hypnotic gaze of a undercover leader may catch you unawares – they may use their most effective weapon; a warm smile, when you least expect it, to throw you off guard – it’s infectious and there is no cure – try it for yourself. We are all hardwired to take on the energy of those around us. Leaders know this and will happily help you harness your inner happiness.
Quantum Leaps
True leaders are not constrained by time.They do not drag around the baggage of the past, they inhabit the future and know that it is full of amazing opportunities and reachable dreams.
Napoleon Bonaparte once said, “Leaders are dealers in hope.” They infuse optimism into the culture around them, and they boost morale. While attentive to the current reality, they do not resign themselves to present circumstance.” In essence, they live for the future.
Cloak of Invisibility
Leaders know the value of working with a team and true leaders don’t need to hog all the limelight; they embrace the power of the team spirit and value everyone’s contributions. As a result, a leaders greatest satisfaction is found celebrating a team triumph.
Know any leaders with special powers ?
Share this:Share
Having thought about this a lot over the years I have identified some remarkable attributes which natural leaders seem to share: I think they are very special indeed.
Xray Specs
Imagine that you have just found the best product in the world and you want to build a team to help you get your product to market and maximise that market for everyones enjoyment. How do you know which people to choose?
Well, a decent pair of xray specs would come in handy wouldn’t it. You could look into the souls of others and see their motivations and talents; but, inspirational leaders don’t need xray specs they can see you, warts and all and know that you have the potential to be part of something great – and this is their special power; a great leader sees the energy and qualities that you bring and a true leader knows how to nurture your talent.
Hypnotic Gaze
Have you noticed how that time spent with some people just leaves you smiling. You can’t help yourself; you have had an enjoyable experience and you want to do it again soon, but why is that? It’s because special people exude warmth, they are passionate about life – passionate about you; they are not afraid to show it – and the energy they radiate is catching. The Hypnotic gaze of a undercover leader may catch you unawares – they may use their most effective weapon; a warm smile, when you least expect it, to throw you off guard – it’s infectious and there is no cure – try it for yourself. We are all hardwired to take on the energy of those around us. Leaders know this and will happily help you harness your inner happiness.
Quantum Leaps
True leaders are not constrained by time.They do not drag around the baggage of the past, they inhabit the future and know that it is full of amazing opportunities and reachable dreams.
Napoleon Bonaparte once said, “Leaders are dealers in hope.” They infuse optimism into the culture around them, and they boost morale. While attentive to the current reality, they do not resign themselves to present circumstance.” In essence, they live for the future.
Cloak of Invisibility
Leaders know the value of working with a team and true leaders don’t need to hog all the limelight; they embrace the power of the team spirit and value everyone’s contributions. As a result, a leaders greatest satisfaction is found celebrating a team triumph.
Know any leaders with special powers ?
Share this:Share
Tuesday, March 01, 2011
Will you be celebrating International Women’s Day?
Next month sees the celebration of International Women’s Day; Tuesday, March 8. Embraced by women across the globe; IWD is designed to inspire women everywhere and celebrates the economic, political and social achievements of women past, present and future.
In no fewer than 15 countries; including China, Russia, Vietnam and Bulgaria; IWD is declared a national holiday. Each year the event has a theme and this year the United Nation’s is “equality in education, training, science and technology”. In the UK alone, some 300 events are taking place, the Eastern region is no exception.
The first International Women’s Day event was in 1911, thus this year’s event is the global centenary year. IWD not only recognises the braveness of the suffragettes, but highlights and celebrates women’s success. The up shot of which is a timely reminder that inequality is still pertinent.
You could be forgiven for thinking that I am a feminist; with all the accompanying and unfortunate connotations of bra burning nutcase; so lets put the record straight. As chairman of the Norwich Business Women’s network I sometimes get asked if there is any good reason why any network, exclusively for women; is still relevant. The NBWN itself comes of age this year and will enjoy its own celebration of 21 years in the networking premier league. The question, quite frankly says more about the questioner, whilst the fact that the network continues to thrive merely serves to offer up the answer.
On the same theme; detractors of events, such as the IWD would say that such celebration of achievement, exclusive to one gender only, flies in the face of equality. I say no it doesn’t. Drawing attention to the achievements of women is relevant; simply because by recognising the ongoing need for equality at work and in life, we also celebrate our points of difference.
You can argue till you are blue in the face that the playing field is level and opportunities are there for everyone, no matter what their sex - and to some extent I would agree, but some significant differences are unassailable. Evolutionary gender science demonstrates that male and female brains are, to put it in layman’s terms: physically different. The part of the brain that controls sex drive and predisposition for food intake for instance. Moreover, parts of the frontal lobe, responsible for problem-solving and decision-making, and the limbic cortex, responsible for regulating emotions, are larger in women. In essence we interpret our world differently; we learn, communicate and function in the workplace, in a distinctive way. In men, the parietal cortex, which is involved in space perception and the amygdala, which regulates sexual and social behavior, are larger: I will leave you to draw your own conclusions.....
Thus, in this significant year I urge you to embrace your strengths and celebrate the difference - for after all; it is that which makes us special.
Mary-Jane Kingsland is a professional mentor. mary.jane.kingsland@gmail.com
In no fewer than 15 countries; including China, Russia, Vietnam and Bulgaria; IWD is declared a national holiday. Each year the event has a theme and this year the United Nation’s is “equality in education, training, science and technology”. In the UK alone, some 300 events are taking place, the Eastern region is no exception.
The first International Women’s Day event was in 1911, thus this year’s event is the global centenary year. IWD not only recognises the braveness of the suffragettes, but highlights and celebrates women’s success. The up shot of which is a timely reminder that inequality is still pertinent.
You could be forgiven for thinking that I am a feminist; with all the accompanying and unfortunate connotations of bra burning nutcase; so lets put the record straight. As chairman of the Norwich Business Women’s network I sometimes get asked if there is any good reason why any network, exclusively for women; is still relevant. The NBWN itself comes of age this year and will enjoy its own celebration of 21 years in the networking premier league. The question, quite frankly says more about the questioner, whilst the fact that the network continues to thrive merely serves to offer up the answer.
On the same theme; detractors of events, such as the IWD would say that such celebration of achievement, exclusive to one gender only, flies in the face of equality. I say no it doesn’t. Drawing attention to the achievements of women is relevant; simply because by recognising the ongoing need for equality at work and in life, we also celebrate our points of difference.
You can argue till you are blue in the face that the playing field is level and opportunities are there for everyone, no matter what their sex - and to some extent I would agree, but some significant differences are unassailable. Evolutionary gender science demonstrates that male and female brains are, to put it in layman’s terms: physically different. The part of the brain that controls sex drive and predisposition for food intake for instance. Moreover, parts of the frontal lobe, responsible for problem-solving and decision-making, and the limbic cortex, responsible for regulating emotions, are larger in women. In essence we interpret our world differently; we learn, communicate and function in the workplace, in a distinctive way. In men, the parietal cortex, which is involved in space perception and the amygdala, which regulates sexual and social behavior, are larger: I will leave you to draw your own conclusions.....
Thus, in this significant year I urge you to embrace your strengths and celebrate the difference - for after all; it is that which makes us special.
Mary-Jane Kingsland is a professional mentor. mary.jane.kingsland@gmail.com
Monday, February 07, 2011
My Mentor and Me
Mentors hold us responsible for meeting deadlines, accomplishing goals and making progress. They are a powerful combination of ‘wise old owl’ and critical friend; they make it easier to achieve your goals – and have some fun along the way.
How My Mentor relationship works:
When you enter into a relationship with a mentor, you agree to hold each accountable. Talking on a regular basis is essential for maintaining momentum and making steady progress toward your goals.
Ideally, you should talk to your mentor every week. During the intervening 7 days you have the time to accomplish your goals for the week and plan your commitments for the next. Your mentor will note down your goals and ask you about them next time.
Once a month or every other week you should schedule a longer meeting with your mentor so they can provide a deeper level of support and insight.
Use the time with your mentor to get their input on a challenge you are facing; brainstorm ways to achieve a particular goal you’ve set, or tap into your mentor’s network of resources - it’s always the case that two heads are better than one.
When looking for a Mentor, look for someone who:
Is 100% committed to growth; theirs as well as yours. Mentors are as interested in their own growth as they are in yours.
Keep any agreements you make. Entering into a mentoring relationship requires making a commitment of time and energy - yours as well as theirs.
Always hold yourself accountable. One easy way to sabotage your success is to make excuses for yourself when you don’t keep to your agreements. Your mentor will listen to your justifications with compassion and kindness but don’t be at all surprised whey they don’t buy into them. Your mentor will hang on to your vision of success even when you have let go; and challenge you to do the work necessary to achieve the earlier goals you have set.
One thing is certain, at times you will slip and not keep to your commitments. Your mentor will help keep you focused and support you in finding a good solution.
Questions to ask a potential Mentor:
When you find someone who you would like to mentor you; have an honest conversation about what you want from the relationship. The more candid you are about what you need and what challenges have prevented you from achieving your goals in the past; the better equipped your mentor will be to support you.
A few questions a good Mentor will ask you at the start of your relationship:
What motivates you?
When you have set goals in the past, what worked to keep you focused and moving forward?
When you were met with obstacles, or you weren’t achieving as much success as you wanted - what kept you moving forward?
What do I need to know about you that might present challenges in our relationship?
What do I need to know about you that will support our relationship during difficult times?
Working with a good mentor is similar to climbing a mountain range with a skilled accomplice. They will help you hold on to the vision of the summit when you find yourself in a dark valley. They will encourage you when we you get tired and feel like quitting - and when you reach a new peak they will celebrate your success and help you navigate your way to the next. It may be possible to make the climb alone, but it’s far easier and much more enjoyable with your mentor by your side.
Thanks to Nigel for making me think of this. M-J
How My Mentor relationship works:
When you enter into a relationship with a mentor, you agree to hold each accountable. Talking on a regular basis is essential for maintaining momentum and making steady progress toward your goals.
Ideally, you should talk to your mentor every week. During the intervening 7 days you have the time to accomplish your goals for the week and plan your commitments for the next. Your mentor will note down your goals and ask you about them next time.
Once a month or every other week you should schedule a longer meeting with your mentor so they can provide a deeper level of support and insight.
Use the time with your mentor to get their input on a challenge you are facing; brainstorm ways to achieve a particular goal you’ve set, or tap into your mentor’s network of resources - it’s always the case that two heads are better than one.
When looking for a Mentor, look for someone who:
Is 100% committed to growth; theirs as well as yours. Mentors are as interested in their own growth as they are in yours.
Keep any agreements you make. Entering into a mentoring relationship requires making a commitment of time and energy - yours as well as theirs.
Always hold yourself accountable. One easy way to sabotage your success is to make excuses for yourself when you don’t keep to your agreements. Your mentor will listen to your justifications with compassion and kindness but don’t be at all surprised whey they don’t buy into them. Your mentor will hang on to your vision of success even when you have let go; and challenge you to do the work necessary to achieve the earlier goals you have set.
One thing is certain, at times you will slip and not keep to your commitments. Your mentor will help keep you focused and support you in finding a good solution.
Questions to ask a potential Mentor:
When you find someone who you would like to mentor you; have an honest conversation about what you want from the relationship. The more candid you are about what you need and what challenges have prevented you from achieving your goals in the past; the better equipped your mentor will be to support you.
A few questions a good Mentor will ask you at the start of your relationship:
What motivates you?
When you have set goals in the past, what worked to keep you focused and moving forward?
When you were met with obstacles, or you weren’t achieving as much success as you wanted - what kept you moving forward?
What do I need to know about you that might present challenges in our relationship?
What do I need to know about you that will support our relationship during difficult times?
Working with a good mentor is similar to climbing a mountain range with a skilled accomplice. They will help you hold on to the vision of the summit when you find yourself in a dark valley. They will encourage you when we you get tired and feel like quitting - and when you reach a new peak they will celebrate your success and help you navigate your way to the next. It may be possible to make the climb alone, but it’s far easier and much more enjoyable with your mentor by your side.
Thanks to Nigel for making me think of this. M-J
Thursday, January 06, 2011
New Year - Are You In Charge
There is something so beautifully hopeful about a brand new year; shiny and new, all 12 months, 52 weeks, 365 days, 8,760 hours, 52,600 minutes and 3,153,600 seconds just waiting to be filled.
I imagine that like me you want to make 2011 as special as you can and yet, I know if it were all so jolly ‘Simples’; the ‘same old, same old’ by week two would not look so, all too familiar, but your salvation may lie in recognising that we are all creatures of habit and within our habits; good and bad, lies disarming comfort - and this being the case: it is so much easier to keep on keeping on, rather than throwing out the old and making way for the new, positively risky and possibly uncomfortable..... changes.
Yet, like it or lump it, life is all about change. A multiplicity of change takes place all the time - time refuses to stay still -and neither should we. If we sat in a darkened room, life outside would still move inextricably on - and so, it makes perfect sense to move on with it. Thus and with due humility, I would like to offer up some ideas that may spark your passion :
Firstly: Give yourself permission to recognise and embrace the need for change. Think about it, why would you wait for someone else to give you permission to move your life forward? Ask yourself: what are you waiting for?
Secondly: Recognise the need for a balanced life. Pursing your dreams is important and others should recognise that too; enroll their help. Too much work and not enough play can make life very dull indeed. Be proactive, there is very little joy in spending all your days doing others bidding; no matter who they are, recognise that your needs are also a priority.
And finally: Embrace the fact that you are indeed in charge of your life; for if you are not - who is ? It makes sense to take yourself seriously; to set out your priorities - to plan your time wisely; to recognise your goals; work out which are important to you this year and how you are going to turn your hopes into reality - ... 'Simples'!
You can contact Mary-Jane at mary.jane.kingsland@gmail.com Mary-Jane is a business coach and mentor and founder of Green Light Mentoring - for the business of life ....
I imagine that like me you want to make 2011 as special as you can and yet, I know if it were all so jolly ‘Simples’; the ‘same old, same old’ by week two would not look so, all too familiar, but your salvation may lie in recognising that we are all creatures of habit and within our habits; good and bad, lies disarming comfort - and this being the case: it is so much easier to keep on keeping on, rather than throwing out the old and making way for the new, positively risky and possibly uncomfortable..... changes.
Yet, like it or lump it, life is all about change. A multiplicity of change takes place all the time - time refuses to stay still -and neither should we. If we sat in a darkened room, life outside would still move inextricably on - and so, it makes perfect sense to move on with it. Thus and with due humility, I would like to offer up some ideas that may spark your passion :
Firstly: Give yourself permission to recognise and embrace the need for change. Think about it, why would you wait for someone else to give you permission to move your life forward? Ask yourself: what are you waiting for?
Secondly: Recognise the need for a balanced life. Pursing your dreams is important and others should recognise that too; enroll their help. Too much work and not enough play can make life very dull indeed. Be proactive, there is very little joy in spending all your days doing others bidding; no matter who they are, recognise that your needs are also a priority.
And finally: Embrace the fact that you are indeed in charge of your life; for if you are not - who is ? It makes sense to take yourself seriously; to set out your priorities - to plan your time wisely; to recognise your goals; work out which are important to you this year and how you are going to turn your hopes into reality - ... 'Simples'!
You can contact Mary-Jane at mary.jane.kingsland@gmail.com Mary-Jane is a business coach and mentor and founder of Green Light Mentoring - for the business of life ....
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